I was going to wait to write this, I wanted to talk to a few friends first and get their opinion, but honestly, I don't think I can hold my peace on it for much longer. Perhaps I am old fashioned and my thinking is dated, but when I think of the future I think of independence. That means that I don't HAVE to rely on others for help, that means I take the consequences of my actions WITHOUT blaming others. Unfortunately it seems my generation has lost that concept.
I understand that in life there are unexpected events. That's why you always want to have a cushion in your bank account. I understand that unfortunate things happen that even those who are most prepared cannot be prepared enough for. I also know that sometimes people just have to ask for help.
However, where does that "asking for help" become begging, when do you become no better than the homeless man on the corner that everyone tries to pretend they don't see, the man that they lock their doors when they first spot him, and count the seconds for the light to turn green? When is that line crossed?
I am a supporter for two medically related children's pages on facebook. The first one, the young man and his mother did everything that they possibly could, got a kidney, and everything was going great till he rejected it. Due to the rejection he has, approximately, a 2 percent chance, his donor has to be in perfect health with NO history of drugs, alcohol, or illness and they need to be an o blood type. THAT website does not ask for monetary donations, while they will accept them if you want they are more concerned with the life style of the child. They have asked for pillow cases, care packages, birthday wishes for Blake, but money isn't something they go begging for. The website was created to find him a donor, to improve his dismal quality of life. (http://www.facebook.com/Blake.Jordans.Miracle)
The second page that I follow on facebook is for Cheyenne Rea, if you want to talk about unexpected and costly things happening, this is perhaps one of the greatest, unfortunate, examples of this.Baby Cheyenne (she is not even a year old) was visiting her father. The details are not specific on the page as to what caused him to act in the manner he did, however, her father shook her, fracturing her skull, and when he finally gained control of his mind, called 911 because she was not breathing. She is now recovering, slowly, and it is an uphill fight daily. The page, however, is used to update her followers on the situation, and while they do have an option to donate (not listed directly on the page), they are ultimately looking for PRAYERS. (http://www.facebook.com/PrayersForCheyenne)
So what don't I support? I hate to say it, but some of my high school classmates. Facebook is beautiful in that you can stay in touch with family and friends while reconnecting with old friends that for one reason or another you didn't remain in contact with initially. If you were like me, then after high school you attempted to fade off the face of the planet. The downside so facebook is that along with old friends you find, you also find old acquaintances, or people that you don't mind, but generally didn't want to be around (most of those I just ignore at the get go). However, the few that I DO have on my site have MULTIPLIED!!!!
Now I'm all for babies, I can't wait till the hubby and I start making little ones of our owns, however, I believe that if YOU have a child it is YOUR responsibility to take care of that child. That does NOT mean you go around making a fundraiser because you slept with one too many guys without protection and had one too many children for your income level. Or your child has a common condition that, while costly, can be treated. To me the difference between the above pages, and the things I see among my "friends" is that the above pages are concerned with the health of their child, they aren't looking for hand outs, but they want to keep people updated, to create awareness. Their purpose is not money for "gas cards" or "hotel stays." I know those things are costly, I know people get in over their head. However, it is not societies job to say "Oh the dad wants nothing to do with you, you can't work and the babies ill? Well that's a shame let me pay for all your expenses."
To me it's simple, if you could not afford to pay the medical bills then you shouldn't have had the children. Yes, accidents happen, yes, unpredictable things pop up even for the most prepared, but PLEASE stop burdening others because you made a choice, whether you intended to have a child with a person or not, you slept with them, that baby is your consequence , NOT mine, NOT societies. I will happily support a cause (financially, materially, and every other way I can) when it is not done with a mentality of "poor me, why did this happen to me?"
My final thought is on one of my amazing friends that, like me, moved far far away from home to the south. Like my other "facebook friends" she has a child with a serious illness, it isn't one that is life threatening, but it is one that requires her to stay at home and watch after her little one. He has all sorts of therapists, he has good days, and really really bad ones. She has to contend not only with her feelings, but do it in a manner that does not affect her child, even when society doesn't take the time to understand and rather judges. She could, like the above, put up fundraisers, she could beg for money in the name of helping her live her life because she cannot work and that the "left overs go towards research" (do they ever, really?). Though this friend does as "Why me? Why my child?" she is content letting her emotions out not on a page dedicated to a cause, not going around making a statement, but quietly telling the journey of her son in a small private blog. A blog that simply lets her work through those emotions that she can't show in front of her child because of his illness. (http://samualsjourney.blogspot.com/)
This humbleness that the two pages listed above and my friend shows, THAT is what a parent looks like. That is what a true parent his, reaching those hurdles ready or not, taking their child's hand and climbing over them. Not begging for money on a street corner because they thought their baby would be perfect from the get go and that babies were easy to take care of, something you can drop off at a relative or friends house. Not using their child's issues as a source of income for whatever reason. My heart goes out to the children of those that chose to do that, because they will forever be used as an excuse, and parents like that...well to me they shouldn't be parents at all.
