I was going to wait to write this, I wanted to talk to a few friends first and get their opinion, but honestly, I don't think I can hold my peace on it for much longer. Perhaps I am old fashioned and my thinking is dated, but when I think of the future I think of independence. That means that I don't HAVE to rely on others for help, that means I take the consequences of my actions WITHOUT blaming others. Unfortunately it seems my generation has lost that concept.
I understand that in life there are unexpected events. That's why you always want to have a cushion in your bank account. I understand that unfortunate things happen that even those who are most prepared cannot be prepared enough for. I also know that sometimes people just have to ask for help.
However, where does that "asking for help" become begging, when do you become no better than the homeless man on the corner that everyone tries to pretend they don't see, the man that they lock their doors when they first spot him, and count the seconds for the light to turn green? When is that line crossed?
I am a supporter for two medically related children's pages on facebook. The first one, the young man and his mother did everything that they possibly could, got a kidney, and everything was going great till he rejected it. Due to the rejection he has, approximately, a 2 percent chance, his donor has to be in perfect health with NO history of drugs, alcohol, or illness and they need to be an o blood type. THAT website does not ask for monetary donations, while they will accept them if you want they are more concerned with the life style of the child. They have asked for pillow cases, care packages, birthday wishes for Blake, but money isn't something they go begging for. The website was created to find him a donor, to improve his dismal quality of life. (http://www.facebook.com/Blake.Jordans.Miracle)
The second page that I follow on facebook is for Cheyenne Rea, if you want to talk about unexpected and costly things happening, this is perhaps one of the greatest, unfortunate, examples of this.Baby Cheyenne (she is not even a year old) was visiting her father. The details are not specific on the page as to what caused him to act in the manner he did, however, her father shook her, fracturing her skull, and when he finally gained control of his mind, called 911 because she was not breathing. She is now recovering, slowly, and it is an uphill fight daily. The page, however, is used to update her followers on the situation, and while they do have an option to donate (not listed directly on the page), they are ultimately looking for PRAYERS. (http://www.facebook.com/PrayersForCheyenne)
So what don't I support? I hate to say it, but some of my high school classmates. Facebook is beautiful in that you can stay in touch with family and friends while reconnecting with old friends that for one reason or another you didn't remain in contact with initially. If you were like me, then after high school you attempted to fade off the face of the planet. The downside so facebook is that along with old friends you find, you also find old acquaintances, or people that you don't mind, but generally didn't want to be around (most of those I just ignore at the get go). However, the few that I DO have on my site have MULTIPLIED!!!!
Now I'm all for babies, I can't wait till the hubby and I start making little ones of our owns, however, I believe that if YOU have a child it is YOUR responsibility to take care of that child. That does NOT mean you go around making a fundraiser because you slept with one too many guys without protection and had one too many children for your income level. Or your child has a common condition that, while costly, can be treated. To me the difference between the above pages, and the things I see among my "friends" is that the above pages are concerned with the health of their child, they aren't looking for hand outs, but they want to keep people updated, to create awareness. Their purpose is not money for "gas cards" or "hotel stays." I know those things are costly, I know people get in over their head. However, it is not societies job to say "Oh the dad wants nothing to do with you, you can't work and the babies ill? Well that's a shame let me pay for all your expenses."
To me it's simple, if you could not afford to pay the medical bills then you shouldn't have had the children. Yes, accidents happen, yes, unpredictable things pop up even for the most prepared, but PLEASE stop burdening others because you made a choice, whether you intended to have a child with a person or not, you slept with them, that baby is your consequence , NOT mine, NOT societies. I will happily support a cause (financially, materially, and every other way I can) when it is not done with a mentality of "poor me, why did this happen to me?"
My final thought is on one of my amazing friends that, like me, moved far far away from home to the south. Like my other "facebook friends" she has a child with a serious illness, it isn't one that is life threatening, but it is one that requires her to stay at home and watch after her little one. He has all sorts of therapists, he has good days, and really really bad ones. She has to contend not only with her feelings, but do it in a manner that does not affect her child, even when society doesn't take the time to understand and rather judges. She could, like the above, put up fundraisers, she could beg for money in the name of helping her live her life because she cannot work and that the "left overs go towards research" (do they ever, really?). Though this friend does as "Why me? Why my child?" she is content letting her emotions out not on a page dedicated to a cause, not going around making a statement, but quietly telling the journey of her son in a small private blog. A blog that simply lets her work through those emotions that she can't show in front of her child because of his illness. (http://samualsjourney.blogspot.com/)
This humbleness that the two pages listed above and my friend shows, THAT is what a parent looks like. That is what a true parent his, reaching those hurdles ready or not, taking their child's hand and climbing over them. Not begging for money on a street corner because they thought their baby would be perfect from the get go and that babies were easy to take care of, something you can drop off at a relative or friends house. Not using their child's issues as a source of income for whatever reason. My heart goes out to the children of those that chose to do that, because they will forever be used as an excuse, and parents like that...well to me they shouldn't be parents at all.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Sunday, August 12, 2012
When Shit Hits the Fan....
I want to pose a question for the few that trickle upon this page every now and then....
When shit hits the fan, who is there for you?
This is a rhetorical question, if you want to answer, I'm happy to hear it, but before you answer, be it me, yourself, or the invisible friend reading over your shoulder, think about it. I don't mean a few seconds "what comes first to your mind" sort of answer, but I mean, really think about it.
I've had a lot of time to think about this the last few weeks. Not that shit is hitting the fan for me, but in my family it is, at least to some extent. I've had to ask this question, be it in a round about or direct way, to several people as of late.
For me it is my family. I love my friends, and I know that they will always help where they can. However, they have lived of their own, some have families, some will "help" after an 'I told you so,' and some just are simply too far away to do anything besides listen (that's what I get for moving half way across the country, but eh what's love if you aren't willing to live in hell...umm I mean Texas for them ^_^). Of those three the second (the 'I told you so') doesn't help because they necessarily want to, rather they, to me, are doing it for some sort of gratification, similar to kicked a dog when it's down then trying to help it back up. The first and last of the previously mentioned set I believe want to help, but are impeded by life, which in my book you can't hold against them. Mind you family can fall into those three categories as well, just as friends can exceed them.
My answer of family wasn't chosen out of disrespect for my friends, I do have friends that do more for me than some of my own family would ever dream up, but outside of a handful of people, I don't keep many friends. Some we simply grow apart and slowly lose contact, some change (on my part and theirs) in a manner that makes the friendship simply not possible anymore, and others turn out to be more interested in their own self-interest resulting in lies, backstabbing, and well things that I tend to not want to be around causing the friendship to die sometimes rather explosively. Family, however, you're stuck with. As much as I may have angered my parents in my teens years, or fought with my siblings as a child, I remain their child/sister. No matter the severity of a fight, or drastic change in personality, family sticks around (at least mine does). My brother will always be my brother, and my mother my mom. We may not always like each other but when shit hits the fan they are the ones picking me up off the ground.
In high school I was a cutter, I was never suicidal but it was my way of controlling what I could. It was a very unhealthy habit, and something I would not do again if I could go back in time, but it is not something that I am entirely ashamed of either. I kept it a secret from my friends (best I could) because I didn't want them getting involved or taking it away from me by telling an authoritative figure. Try as I may to keep it from my family, though, they found out, and like it or not they helped me to stop.
When I dated a really bad boy who was physically, mentally, emotionally abusive, a boy who tried to rape me twice, my family did not judge me, or tell me "I told you so." Rather, my family held me, and let me cry, they quietly and lovingly supported me through all the ups and downs of breaking up and realizing that I deserved better than what he gave me. So yes, family, they are the ones to wipe the shit from my face when I throw it up wind, or when life just wants to cause trouble.
Now, if you have read this far, you might be wondering why I am pondering upon this thought. As I stated previously my life is going fairly well. My husband is amazing (though grumpy today due to a car problem) as per usual, I'm absolutely in love with my mother in-law, and my Grammy in-law is making excellent progress with her physical therapy.
In short, there is a person in my life, that no matter how much you love or encourage them, they always lean upon unreliable people (we shall call them Trouble for the sake of clarification). Trouble that lies to them, hurts them, and in some ways abuses them for decisions that would better their life. Trouble tears them down, and while I know why Trouble does this to my loved one (it is not something I need explained thank you) I cannot for the life of me understand why the person I care about would want Trouble in their life. I should know, I should understand, because I was once in a situation where a Trouble walked into my life, in fact many Troubles walked into my life and I welcomed them with open arms, thinking that i could heal them, help them before they dragged me to the depths of the ocean with every intention of drowning me. However, when I was in the position, I had that hope, I saw the good in them. My loved one sees what Trouble is and yet they still lay lifeless as they too are dragged to the ocean depths, I fear never to be heard of again.
Perhaps it has been too many years since those days for me, perhaps in all my experiences with such a world, I have found an area which I left unexplored... For now I know that no matter what I try to do it shall fall upon deaf ears and I am left to simply sit and wait, praying that in the end, the road that they have picked will not be their last. I am left hoping that when they reach the bottom of the beautiful blue ocean, that once was so warm and tempting, that the cold and pressure surrounding them is enough to make them fight, to make them swim for the surface. For if they don't, then I fear that they will fall into that darkness, and be lost, though I and others wait we will be left waiting for a return that shall never come.
So I ask once more, think long and hard...when shit hits the fan, who is there for you? Think long, think hard, for the answer that you give may be more crucial than you think.
When shit hits the fan, who is there for you?
This is a rhetorical question, if you want to answer, I'm happy to hear it, but before you answer, be it me, yourself, or the invisible friend reading over your shoulder, think about it. I don't mean a few seconds "what comes first to your mind" sort of answer, but I mean, really think about it.
I've had a lot of time to think about this the last few weeks. Not that shit is hitting the fan for me, but in my family it is, at least to some extent. I've had to ask this question, be it in a round about or direct way, to several people as of late.
For me it is my family. I love my friends, and I know that they will always help where they can. However, they have lived of their own, some have families, some will "help" after an 'I told you so,' and some just are simply too far away to do anything besides listen (that's what I get for moving half way across the country, but eh what's love if you aren't willing to live in hell...umm I mean Texas for them ^_^). Of those three the second (the 'I told you so') doesn't help because they necessarily want to, rather they, to me, are doing it for some sort of gratification, similar to kicked a dog when it's down then trying to help it back up. The first and last of the previously mentioned set I believe want to help, but are impeded by life, which in my book you can't hold against them. Mind you family can fall into those three categories as well, just as friends can exceed them.
My answer of family wasn't chosen out of disrespect for my friends, I do have friends that do more for me than some of my own family would ever dream up, but outside of a handful of people, I don't keep many friends. Some we simply grow apart and slowly lose contact, some change (on my part and theirs) in a manner that makes the friendship simply not possible anymore, and others turn out to be more interested in their own self-interest resulting in lies, backstabbing, and well things that I tend to not want to be around causing the friendship to die sometimes rather explosively. Family, however, you're stuck with. As much as I may have angered my parents in my teens years, or fought with my siblings as a child, I remain their child/sister. No matter the severity of a fight, or drastic change in personality, family sticks around (at least mine does). My brother will always be my brother, and my mother my mom. We may not always like each other but when shit hits the fan they are the ones picking me up off the ground.
In high school I was a cutter, I was never suicidal but it was my way of controlling what I could. It was a very unhealthy habit, and something I would not do again if I could go back in time, but it is not something that I am entirely ashamed of either. I kept it a secret from my friends (best I could) because I didn't want them getting involved or taking it away from me by telling an authoritative figure. Try as I may to keep it from my family, though, they found out, and like it or not they helped me to stop.
When I dated a really bad boy who was physically, mentally, emotionally abusive, a boy who tried to rape me twice, my family did not judge me, or tell me "I told you so." Rather, my family held me, and let me cry, they quietly and lovingly supported me through all the ups and downs of breaking up and realizing that I deserved better than what he gave me. So yes, family, they are the ones to wipe the shit from my face when I throw it up wind, or when life just wants to cause trouble.
Now, if you have read this far, you might be wondering why I am pondering upon this thought. As I stated previously my life is going fairly well. My husband is amazing (though grumpy today due to a car problem) as per usual, I'm absolutely in love with my mother in-law, and my Grammy in-law is making excellent progress with her physical therapy.
In short, there is a person in my life, that no matter how much you love or encourage them, they always lean upon unreliable people (we shall call them Trouble for the sake of clarification). Trouble that lies to them, hurts them, and in some ways abuses them for decisions that would better their life. Trouble tears them down, and while I know why Trouble does this to my loved one (it is not something I need explained thank you) I cannot for the life of me understand why the person I care about would want Trouble in their life. I should know, I should understand, because I was once in a situation where a Trouble walked into my life, in fact many Troubles walked into my life and I welcomed them with open arms, thinking that i could heal them, help them before they dragged me to the depths of the ocean with every intention of drowning me. However, when I was in the position, I had that hope, I saw the good in them. My loved one sees what Trouble is and yet they still lay lifeless as they too are dragged to the ocean depths, I fear never to be heard of again.
Perhaps it has been too many years since those days for me, perhaps in all my experiences with such a world, I have found an area which I left unexplored... For now I know that no matter what I try to do it shall fall upon deaf ears and I am left to simply sit and wait, praying that in the end, the road that they have picked will not be their last. I am left hoping that when they reach the bottom of the beautiful blue ocean, that once was so warm and tempting, that the cold and pressure surrounding them is enough to make them fight, to make them swim for the surface. For if they don't, then I fear that they will fall into that darkness, and be lost, though I and others wait we will be left waiting for a return that shall never come.
So I ask once more, think long and hard...when shit hits the fan, who is there for you? Think long, think hard, for the answer that you give may be more crucial than you think.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Fixing up the Past
Matthew and I moved into his grandma's (as many of my friends know) after we got married. A large part of this was to watch after her (we've even entertained the idea of buying the house form her). It was something that we wanted to do, she is for the most part bed ridden (caused by her choices to not want to move and listen to her doctors etc) but also because she is alone a vast majority of the time. Her husband died a long time ago, when Matthew's mother was a preteen from what I understand, and his family usually doesn't have time to visit except once or twice a week. So by moving in she had, for the most part, constant companionship.
Well we have the run of the house, since she pretty much lays in bed all day, and we set up a computer room, cleaned up the main living space, and reorganized our small but comfortable bedroom, the only thing lacking...a DRESSER!!! Originally we were going to buy one, but it is so much cheaper to buy a set, plus the concern of buying a set piece by piece and the set being discontinued, so instead we looked to his old dresser. This dresser is nearly 40 years old, and I wish that I had before pictures of it, but we removed the old finish, and painted a whole new one on. We still have the book case to do (that I will definitely take before and after pictures of) but that will be a day or two project. The dresser we had to reinforce the drawers, and we bought new knobs for it so that they matched the end tables that we bought. All in all I think it turned out very nicely for our first project as a married couple!
Well we have the run of the house, since she pretty much lays in bed all day, and we set up a computer room, cleaned up the main living space, and reorganized our small but comfortable bedroom, the only thing lacking...a DRESSER!!! Originally we were going to buy one, but it is so much cheaper to buy a set, plus the concern of buying a set piece by piece and the set being discontinued, so instead we looked to his old dresser. This dresser is nearly 40 years old, and I wish that I had before pictures of it, but we removed the old finish, and painted a whole new one on. We still have the book case to do (that I will definitely take before and after pictures of) but that will be a day or two project. The dresser we had to reinforce the drawers, and we bought new knobs for it so that they matched the end tables that we bought. All in all I think it turned out very nicely for our first project as a married couple!
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
A Word of Welcome
Hello and welcome to my blog. For those of you that don't know me, my name is Caroline. I recently married the man of my dreams a little more than a month ago and in 1 month 1 day he and I will have been together for 5 years...yay ^_^
I've been wanting to get into the whole process fo blogging for a while. Not just to let my mind be heard, and inspire a nation of sorts, but to work my own thoughts out, perhaps give insight to a few people that might be going through a similar situation.
I can't promise that I will post often, or that what I post will be worth your while to read, I can't promise that everything I post you will agree with, nor can I promise that what I write wont offend, and just as it is my right to be able to write and share what i wish, it is also your write to completely ignore me, or state your own opinion. I just ask that people are respectful in their actions and word just as i will try to be with mine, regardless of how what i think/feel/believe/say might conflict with you and your thoughts.
This blog as I "described" it, is going to be about my life with my husband, this can be thoughts before the wedding (obviously a retrospective sort of thing), to posting about own first place, projects we do together/me doing them alone, recipes, and what nots. It could also include, as my last name and title suggest, spam. Spam from my mind to work out thoughts, feelings, and...well anything that I feel needs to be expressed.
All in all I hope you enjoy yourself, that you learn something laugh often, and ultimately just enjoy yourself. With that i bid you good day and adieu.
With Love Always,
Caroline
I've been wanting to get into the whole process fo blogging for a while. Not just to let my mind be heard, and inspire a nation of sorts, but to work my own thoughts out, perhaps give insight to a few people that might be going through a similar situation.
I can't promise that I will post often, or that what I post will be worth your while to read, I can't promise that everything I post you will agree with, nor can I promise that what I write wont offend, and just as it is my right to be able to write and share what i wish, it is also your write to completely ignore me, or state your own opinion. I just ask that people are respectful in their actions and word just as i will try to be with mine, regardless of how what i think/feel/believe/say might conflict with you and your thoughts.
This blog as I "described" it, is going to be about my life with my husband, this can be thoughts before the wedding (obviously a retrospective sort of thing), to posting about own first place, projects we do together/me doing them alone, recipes, and what nots. It could also include, as my last name and title suggest, spam. Spam from my mind to work out thoughts, feelings, and...well anything that I feel needs to be expressed.
All in all I hope you enjoy yourself, that you learn something laugh often, and ultimately just enjoy yourself. With that i bid you good day and adieu.
With Love Always,
Caroline
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